Docklands, Melbourne – At 08:47 am last Monday, Melissa Ratcliffe was getting ready for her agile workshop while contemplating the unfairness of the universe.
“After a 3-hour online course and a 50 multiple choice exam, I am now charging $200 an hour as an Accredited Agile Scrum Master.” Said Ratcliffe, as she watched an ambulance zoom by down on Bourke Street below.
“How many paramedics are in that ambulance? Two? Three? It doesn’t matter, I probably make more than all of them combined. That just isn’t right” She continued, as she arranged her white board markers on her magnetic shelf.
For the uninitiated, Agile is an iterative approach to project management involving adults standing around a board with their arms folded or hands on their hips. The aim is to look at Post-it notes and talk about doing work instead of actuallydoing work.
Whereas paramedics are known more for saving people’s lives and copping abuse from ungrateful pricks.
Ms. Ratcliffe has vowed to help paramedics receive better pay. At press time, Ms. Ratcliffe released this statement, “after running an Agile Scrummy Retro Kang-Bang thingy with the Victorian Ambulance Union, it became very clear that the most efficient way to increase their salaries is for all paramedics to become Accredited Agile Scrum Masters. They’ll need to find a spare four hours though.”
