Collins Street, Melbourne – At 10:30 on Monday morning, Natalia McKenzie was called into her Senior Executive’s office to be given the news of her promotion from IT Graduate to Executive.
Hours earlier, McKenzie had arrived at work after dyeing her hair blonde on the weekend.
“I’m totes certain that I’m not qualified for this gig” McKenzie complained “Look. We all know that being blonde is a prerequisite for all female executives. But that doesn’t mean all blonde women have to be executives. It should be based on merit as well”.
McKenzie’s concerns fell on the deaf ears of Senior Executive Paul Hudson. “Natalia can just see this as a more long-term graduate rotation. It’ll be similar work, except she will be paid $400,000 per year. I mean look at her, she even got her hair cut into one of those shoulder length bobs”
McKenzie says she is now concerned about her future marriage prospects. This promotion has essentially locked out 99.9% of all men in McKenizie’s age group from dating her.
“My boyfriend earns a respectable $120,000 a year, but if he doesn’t somehow find a $280,000 pay rise quickly, my dad would never sign-off on a man making less than me.
At press time, McKenzie was in much better spirits. “Okay, so my boyfriend has added “Thought Leader, Male Feminist, Footy Tragic” to his LinkedIn bio… so now he’s also been made an Executive. This means we have a combined annual income $800,000. We are now a power couple. Will put off having kids until it’s too late and then be stupid rich for the rest of our days.”
